Fist Fighting Imposter Syndrome

Attending one of the largest book festivals in the country

First up, I was scheduled to visit two elementary schools in Tucson! The presentations were the biggest I’ve ever done and this time I asked for a microphone because I love to not lost my voice. At the first school I spoke to over TWO HUNDRED students from pre-k to 1st grade!

One of these said “Oh, Lian!” What clever kids

As I walked into the schools, their walls were decorated with signs welcoming me and I tried to not die inside from cuteness.

Another sign and some students using my coloring sheet

The presentations went really well, I was so nervous beforehand but I managed to stay right on time and keep up to the energy despite having to repeat the same presentation two or three times in a row! Phew.

Showing students and parents my top secret artist warm up routine

I got a lot of really great questions from students, here are some below:

My favorite question is “Will you write a Christmas book with Santa.” I told him that I had tried to contact Santa but Santa didn’t reply.

After my presentation, a lot of kids came up to give me hugs (or just to lay their hands on me like Jesus) and this happened with a group of first graders:

Needless to say, it was an emotional day for all.

Apparently this year, 140,000 people attended… And I was there to PERFORM and PRESENT. How wild!!!

I was very very nervous. I had two storytime readings which luckily went off without a hitch. I had a small crowd at my own reading in the blanket tent for my book Oh, Olive! Here’s a much loved post about the process behind this book in case you’re new here.

I also had another reading with Adam Rex for our book Oh No the Aunts Are Here. In case you missed it, here is a previous Substack post about this book.

We read the book and did a drawing demo based on suggestions from the crowd. A kid suggested a dog eating a hot dog, and another kid suggested an aunt. Based on these suggestions, I drew a hot dog running and Adam Rex drew a dog dressed as an aunt chasing after the hot dog. Just regular things happening at my regular job.

Adam and I working on our masterpieces

The last time Adam Rex and I presented together was around a year ago in New York for the launch of this book. I was still a baby and had not done any school visits, book launches nor had I interacted with any kids. I was, eloquently put, scared shitless about this entire part of the job.

Photos from our launch a year ago

I remember presenting with Adam and being so in awe of how easy it came across for him. I, however, found myself stumbling over my words and panicking throughout the entire thing. I got off that stage and felt so terrible.

But this year? As Adam and I took to the stage again in front of a much larger crowd, I actually spoke confidently and kept everyone’s attention! I had them laughing (with me hopefully) and kept the kids entertained.

Practice really does make perfect, and I’m just feeling really proud of myself.

Apart from the readings, I also gave a watercolor workshop all on my own which I have zero photos from unfortunately. I’m considering recording this workshop at home and uploading a video for paid subscribers in the future! Let me know if you’d be interested.

Lastly, I was also invited to participate in the 9th Annual Illustrator Draw-Off which they told me was the most hotly attended event of the whole festival. As if the pressure wasn’t enough, I would also be drawing-off against these LEGENDS:

The night before the draw off, Adam invited me to a dinner where I got to meet my fellow draw off competitors and other amazing legendary folks such as John Parra and Vashti Harrison who was the first ever Black woman to WIN a Caldecott. Literally history makers at that table and there I was sitting there with not much under my belt except a measly little math prize (lol).

As if that wasn’t enough, the nail in the coffin of my imposter syndrome was the arrival of none other than… BOB ODENKIRK the ACTOR.

Here’s a group photo we took to prove that this actually happened:

Bob was in town for the festival and had written a book recently that his daughter, Erin Odenkirk, illustrated. Apart from Erin, I was the youngest at the table and damn did I feel it!

I went home to my hotel room after this dinner and had a wee baby existential crisis:

I felt super awful but instead of wallowing in my awfulness (like I used to do when I was really depressed), I reached out to some friends and they all gave me a lot of reassurance. What my friend Rachel said really helped me so I figured I would share it:

So I decided to suck it up, and try to power through and at least appear confident. I gave myself a very effective pep talk and went to bed:

The next day was the draw off and my stomach was in my ass (a Bachelor contestant said this recently and I cannot get it out of my head). It turned out to be a lot of fun and I had gotten myself so worked up over nothing! Of course!

Here’s the one photo we got of all of us during the draw off:

Rachel was right, what an honor it was to draw alongside these legends. Afterwards I attended another dinner with even more legends and that concluded the festival.

Here are some of the things I collected from this trip:

I’m sorry I know this is an instagram post, I am too tired to draw another separate content for this I promise I’ll never crosspost again

I did manage to squeeze in a little bit of time in my sketchbook, so here are some spreads:

Okay, this is blurred because it is content for my upcoming book that I’ll be sharing for paid subscribers and not because it is NC-17

My hotel room gave me a good view of the beautiful mountains as well as a Chipotle, Taco Bell, Pizza Hut and European Wax Center.

It was a great trip. I got to meet so many brilliant minds on this trip. It was pretty damn cool. I hope I get to come back again, but that probably won’t happen since they’re bound to discover I’m an imposter.

And in a classic way to wrap up a very good trip, my flight back was delayed by 4 hours until it was finally canceled at 12am. I had to spend the night in a crappy hotel in Chicago for 4 hours until my morning flight. So obviously I am never getting on a plane ever again (or at least for a couple months until I forget the pain I suffered).

So as you can see/read, I have been busy hence why this Substack was a little lacking in March content. Also a couple days before my Tucson trip we found out that we’re getting kicked out of our apartment in 2 months! Yay!

If you don’t know this, renting in New York is an absolute nightmare so the past two weeks has been filled with us frantically searching for a new apartment that won’t cost an arm, a leg, my entire life savings and maybe my first born child.

Adam and I searching listings and finding everything costing at least $600 more than we’re paying now

We put in applications to a couple places yesterday so we’ll see if we’re accepted or if we have to keep looking. Anyways, thanks for sticking around and reading (once again) a much too long post.

Wish us luck on packing up our apartment filled with things I’ve hoarded!